How is it that each new “Love” in my life makes me love the
old Loves more? There can only be one explanation. It can only be the Good
One... my Lover and Creator...
It was the day before my scheduled C-section. September 20,
1992. I was preparing to leave my precious son, Jake, with Grandma and Grandpa
to travel to the high-risk clinic and hospital which would end the most recent
prescribed period of bed rest. As I held and played with and prayed over the
squirming and chattering 18 month old delight of my life, I wondered (and
worried) how I could EVER love anyone as much. I knew – I just knew – it was
impossible. My heart was as full as it could get.
As many of you know, we lost our first three children at
birth through three different, unrelated situations. Our first son was born
just over two years into our marriage, and in each of the next two years we
lost another baby. Starting in 1982, I had left home, made new college friends,
met and married my One and Only, and had three children taken, and one spared.
My heart had stretched and broken and snapped. Yet, in spite of the tattered
shell, it was full. Completely full!
On September 21, through the pain and rigor of surgery, our
daughter, Brittany came into our lives. She was beautiful. She held my heart in
her little fist. How could this be? As every parent knows, there is no way to
describe the love that takes over every part of life at the birth of your
child. And this was certainly no exception. My Heavenly Father, the Great Lover
of my soul, had exploded my old heart, and now I had a new, full heart. Again.
Again.
In my quiet time with God the last few days, I have been
looking for opportunities to “see His face”. The One I have seen has been
beautiful, and surprising! Although I know He is All Powerful, the Creator of
the entire universe, the Dread Champion, and my Master, the descriptions I am
finding are of a kind, tender, providing Lover. He answers me (Ps. 17:6), shows
lovingkindness, keeps me, and hides me (Ps. 17:7-8), rescues and DELIGHTS in me
(Ps. 18:11), is kind, blameless, pure, astute, and GENTLE (Ps. 18:25, 35). It
goes on and on... never a harsh or critical characteristic. And He makes me
glorious, splendid and majestic. ME! And, as it turns out, He expands my heart
to be more like His own Great Heart.
Coram Deo,
Brenda
